The Darkest AND SHITTIEST Seduction, by Gena Showalter

“Silly female.”

And with one simple word, I want to stab this book and use a fork to dig the memory of it out of my head. I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT. How is this written by a woman? Using “female” to refer to women, a woman, any fucking human — drives me so batty I cannot even. I CANNOT EVEN.

I AM SO ENRAGED BY THIS BOOK. “He’d never craved a female this much.” “My woman”, “his woman”, female female female females FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING GODDAMNNNNNNN GRAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRR.

So I am reading this bullshit by Gena Showalter. It fucking sucks. Why are you like this, Gena Showalter? I’m not even linking to your book, because you’re bad and you should feel bad.

Apparently it’s like, the 9th book in the series? Perhaps starting from the top would be better, but I doubt it. Even setting aside the incessant use of FEMALES, I suspect I’d be blindingly irritated by this.

FEMALES, AMIRITE?

I am so enraged.

I can’t even really explain what this book is about, because I can’t really figure that out. There are about 5 million characters referred to, and I don’t know what they’re doing or why. They’re all…supernatural beings? that have personifications of stuff inside them? So our shitty main man Paris has Sex, our useless main FEMALE Sienna has Wrath, and the 5 million other characters have whatever else WHO FUCKING CARES NOT ME.

Sienna is dead, and now has Wrath stuck in her, which means she has wings, and Chronus the god trapped her in a castle and I DON’T KNOW WHY OR WHY I SHOULD CARE. Paris thinks she’s hot, so even though Seeeeeeex won’t have sex with someone more than once because why not, he wants her. He wants to be monogamous and not cheeeeeeeeeat u guise.

Plus there are those 5 million other characters, doing who knows what I don’t know. Somebody kidnaps one of their FEMALES. For some reason.

So are you getting the sense that I don’t like this book? I don’t like this book. I hate it so much I stopped reading in favour of some 50-Shades-of-Grey-esque erotica. This fucking thing is 405 fucking pages long, and I fucking want to strangle someone.

I am 47% through and that’s it, I’m outta here. I want to read anything but this. I’d even read Ayn Rand.

Well, maybe. Tossup.

Grade: F, for FEEMAAAAAAAAAAAAALES